This Valentine’s Day, Show Her You Truly Care: Be Part of the Change

Valentine’s Day is a time for celebrating love and appreciation. This year, let’s go beyond the chocolates and flowers and show the women in our lives that we truly value them by committing to a deeper, more meaningful change: helping to create a world free from violence against women and girls.

The statistics are stark and undeniable. Over 25% of women experience sexual assault or attempted assault in their lifetime, and one in 12 women are victims of VAWG annually. In 2022-23, 20% of all police-recorded crime was related to VAWG, according to the National Police Chiefs’ Council. These aren’t just numbers; they represent real women, our mothers, daughters, sisters, partners, and friends.

But violence isn’t always physical. Too often, harmful attitudes and behaviours create a culture where VAWG can thrive. Casual sexism, belittling comments, so-called banter that really amounts to sexual harassment – these acts demean and lessen women, creating a breeding ground for more serious offences. It’s time we, as men, acknowledge that our own behaviour, and the behaviour we tolerate in others, can contribute to this problem.

It Starts With Us: Recognising Our Role

The good news is that we have the power to be part of the solution. It starts with honest self-reflection:

• Challenge our own biases: Are we guilty of making sexist jokes or dismissing women’s opinions?
• Recognise microaggressions: Do we interrupt women in meetings or take credit for their ideas?
• Understand consent: Do we truly respect a woman’s right to say “no,” even if we’re in a relationship with her?

These shifts in our attitudes and behaviour can have a massive impact.

Standing Up: Becoming Active Bystanders

It’s not enough to simply avoid harmful behaviour ourselves; we need to actively challenge it when we see it in others. This can be uncomfortable, but it’s essential.

Poppy Murray, founder of the Just Be Lads campaign, understands this firsthand. Inspired by the tragic case of Sarah Everard, Poppy created Just Be Lads to empower men to become allies in preventing VAWG. The campaign provides men with the tools and language they need to challenge harmful attitudes and behaviours among their peers.

“The death of Sarah Everard highlighted the urgent need for a cultural shift in how society addresses women’s safety,” says Poppy. “Men have a vital role to play in preventing violence against women and girls. We need to engage men as allies, providing them with the tools and language needed to contribute positively to this critical issue.”

Here’s how we can become active bystanders:

• Speak up: If you see a woman being harassed, don’t stay silent. Politely but firmly challenge the behaviour.
• Intervene safely: If you witness a situation that could escalate to violence, assess the risk and intervene if it’s safe to do so. This could involve distracting the aggressor, calling for help, or checking in with the person being targeted.
• Support the victim: Let the person know that you saw what happened and that you’re there to support them. Offer to help them report the incident or help them with further support.

The Suzy Lamplugh Trust provides excellent anti-harassment training to equip you with the skills and confidence to intervene effectively.

Beyond the Individual: Supporting Systemic Change

In addition to changing our own behaviour and challenging others, we can also support organisations working to create systemic change. For example:

• Men for Inclusion: This charity campaigns for men to actively support women in the workplace, promoting gender equality and creating a more inclusive environment for all.
• EIDA (Employers’ Initiative on Domestic Abuse): Encourage your organisation to partner with EIDA to support employees experiencing domestic abuse. This could involve providing training for managers, developing workplace policies, and offering access to resources.

A Valentine’s Gift That Lasts a Lifetime

This Valentine’s Day, let’s commit to being part of the solution. By challenging our own biases, standing up to harmful behaviour, and supporting organisations working for change, we can create a world where all women and girls can live free from violence and fear. That’s a gift that truly shows how much we care.